Perry Hotter
by TCandDY
Summary: Perry Hotter? That's right- Harry's cousin with a question mark scar on his rear end is going to Pigpimpleton (Hogwarts), but he doesn't know that what hilarious adventure is in store for him. Read and Review!!!
1. Introduction

Disclaimer: None of the characters or ideas that are similar to Harry Potter belong to TCandDY; they are JK Rowling's.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Introduction  
  
I have doubt that you have not heard of the brilliantly written book series by an author whose pen name is J.K. Rowling. The Harry Potter series has taken the world by storm and has created wizard fanatics everywhere. I myself am one. Nevertheless, I must apologize in advance if you are such wizard fanatic. Harry Potter is not really the adventurous hero that J.K Rowling makes him out to be. His life is based upon that of a boy named Perry Hotter. J.K Rowling has got it all wrong. The public ought to know the truth behind Harry Potter. 


	2. The boy who survived a paper cut

The Boy who Survived a Paper Cut  
  
Something peculiar was bound to happen on Picket Drive that day. You could sense it in the air; there just was this feeling, like a vibe. It was one of those days that look like they're supposed to be warm and crisp, but when you go outside to play you feel like you've been gypped because no matter where you stand, you never seem to be able to get enough warmth from the sun and end up shivering in your shorts.  
  
There were precisely seven condominium complexes on Picket Drive, each with the same wilted front yard and the same painfully white picket fence out front. In one of these condominiums, #4 Picket Drive, Apartment 3, there was a loud ruckus emerging from within.  
  
"Quit your racket you spoiled bastards!" Old Lady Lily of #4 Picket Drive, Apartment 2, screamed. No one paid her any heed. Lady Lily was always screaming inappropriate derogatory terms to everyone at all hours of the day and night, causing more of a ruckus than the party of #4 Picket Drive, Apartment 3, was anyway. Old Lady Lily must have once been pretty. One could see that at once, even if they had only stolen a quick glance at her. Perhaps there was nothing left of her once curvy, voluptuous figure, and her skin was beginning to sag with old age, but those eyes, oh those Spanish eyes that had once had every man in the entire county under a spell. Her eyes were huge, with long eyelashes and a sad, desperate, lonely look to them. Another beautiful thing about her was her hair. She refused to become one of those old ladies that live in retirement homes with short, frizzy perms; one of those old ladies whose biggest thrills and accomplishments in life are winning Saturday Night Bingo. Instead, her hair was of shining silver, long and thick and shimmering and she was always speaking of magic and spells and muttering under her breath about her husband, the late Johnny Connelly. The neighborhood gossip said that when her husband died, her sanity went with it. 'She's insane,' they said, 'She belongs in a mental institution,' they suggested.  
  
Lily Potter, Old Lady Lily's daughter, lived with her husband, James, her son, Harry, and her nephew, Perry Hotter, the son of the late Ylile Hotter, at #4 Picket Drive, Apartment 3. She was quite a beauty, even at the age of 36. She had inherited her mother's eyes and had a slim athletic figure.  
  
That day Lily Potter was busy in the kitchen, the place that she loved the most, and her son, Harry was doodling away, sulking, as he usually was.  
  
"Don't you care about anything, you insolent little boy? Today is your cousin's 11th birthday and you have no present for him, no song! I've put up with enough of this behavior!" Lily cried, obviously impatient.  
  
"But mother. You've forgotten, we have the same birthday- it's my birthday too." Harry replied.  
  
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!!" Harry was interrupted by his mother's loud, booming song voice just as Perry walked into the room. All of Perry's friends popped out and they gobbled up cake and ice cream, threw around toy guns, and just had plain old fun. Harry's parents had asked him if he wanted to invite any of his friends to Perry's party, but he declined, mostly because he didn't have any. "Say cheese!" Uncle James squeaked. His voice had never really changed during puberty. Actually, puberty didn't really affect him at all. He stood scrawny at a 4ft., 9in. frame, with a voice like the tired rusty hinges of a door. A camera flashed twice.  
  
"Harry, dear, would you please get out of the way so that our son.er.nephew, can get his birthday pictures taken?" Harry quietly shuffled to the corner, his own birthday forgotten.  
  
Later that night as Harry laid in his bunk bed, listening to Perry snoring contentedly on the bed above him; he noticed something queer fluttering out of the corner of his eye. It seemed to be dragging something with immense effort. It made the strangest humming noise as it dropped a letter in through the open window.  
  
"Perry, look! Check out this weird letter! I think a hummingbird delivered it!" Harry shouted to Perry, grabbing the letter from the window still.  
  
"Shut up, Harry!" Perry mumbled, throwing a pillow at Harry.  
  
"No, I'm serious, Perry, check this out! It's addressed to you." Harry said after dodging the pillow with incredible expertise that came from years of living next door to Old Lady Lily. Harry waved the letter above his head enthusiastically, making him look like a bona fide idiot.  
  
"Alright, if it'll make you be quiet, I'll take a look." Perry said drowsily. Harry handed him the paper and Perry threw another pillow at Harry.  
  
"Pigpimpleton? Is this your idea of a joke Harry? Waking me up in the middle of the night for this piece of.rubbish?"  
  
"Well, fine then Perry, if you don't appreciate me waking you up for your letter, then I'll just take it!" Harry shouted at Perry. He snatched up the letter from the snoring Perry. Simultaneously, an incredibly tiny man less then two feet tall soared in through the open window making the polka dotted curtains flutter in the open wind.  
  
"How dare ye touch Perry's letter!" the little man screamed at Harry in a high-pitched squeaky voice. Perry awoke with a start to the abrupt sound.  
  
"Who the heck are you?" Perry nearly screamed at the top of his lungs to the stranger in his room.  
  
"Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dirgah the Midget of the Land of the Wizards." The mysterious stranger said in a high, giddy voice so fast that it was nearly unintelligible. "I have arrived to take Perry Hotter of the Hotter Clan to Pigpimpleton."  
  
"Hotter Clan.? Well I suppose that would be me." Perry said quietly.  
  
"The time has come." Dirgah said grandly, placing emphasis on every word with colossal effort.  
  
"Okay, I don't know what you're talking about, so you just run along like a good little delusional freak and I won't have to call the cops, 'kay?" Perry responded, the fear edging into his voice.  
  
"The time for what?" Harry asked.  
  
"Obviously! The time for you, Perry, to enter!"  
  
"Enter what?"  
  
"Pigpimpleton!" the midget said, exasperated and evidently frustrated with the boy's ignorance. Suddenly, Aunt Lily and Uncle James burst through the door.  
  
"We heard a noise." Aunt Lily began.  
  
"And rushed to see what happened." James finished.  
  
"Are you alright darling?" Lily said with genuine concern.  
  
"I'm just fine, mom!" Harry replied.  
  
"Not you!" Lily said, "I meant Perry!" Lily and James were both experts when it came to finding good character and saw none in the pathetic Harry, but quite a bit in Perry, whose courageous actions had once given him his 15 minutes of fame and recognition on Picket Drive.  
  
"He's fine." Harry mumbled, his face flushing with jealousy. Lily and James heard a sound, more of a squeak, actually- and they turned around to come face to face with Dirgah (Well, because of Dirgah's height, it was more like face to knee). Of course Lily and James, being the concerned guardians that they were, insisted on knowing what the tiny man was doing in Perry's room. And of course Perry and Harry had to give an explanation lengthy enough to satisfy both Lily and James. Dirgah, being as short as he was, was quite easily forgotten and wandered about the room, bored out of his wits, speaking every so often to his hummingbird. The hummingbird was really a pathetic thing, forced out of the nest by the other, stronger birds of the offspring. Nature had meant for it to die before he really had a chance to live, that is, until Dirgah walked along and decided to raise it. Dirgah had quite a touch with animals and particularly favored small and helpless ones, for he felt that he could relate to them. Its name was Reding, for unlike most of the birds of his species, he was not of many exotic colors, but a dark musky brownish- red.  
  
Dirgah certainly was curious to find out who or what the loud, coarse, screams of Lady Lily were coming from. Lily, James, Harry and Perry paid no heed to the noise, as if they were used to it. Dirgah was not of a patient species, for midgets did everything at the same speed: fast. They spoke quickly, ate quickly, and slept a mere 3 hours a day.  
  
"Have you individuals completed your never-ending task of conversing over unimportant issues yet?" Four pairs of eyes were staring at him. "For if you do not mind, I wish to simply whisk Perry to Pigpimpleton and leave as soon as possible."  
  
"Perry? Leave-no sir, you must be mistaken," James cried, pleading almost.  
  
Lily, the more practical one, asked questions first, "Pigpimpleton? What on earth is that? How can we trust you? For all we know, you are a crack head that has come to kidnap our dear Perry. And even if there is such a school, why would Perry abandon his dreams of Cambridge and medicine for your school of.."  
  
"Magic." Dirgah interrupted. A ripple of gasps went about the room.  
  
"I swore that when we took Perry in we would get rid of such ideas! I support a modest imagination, but I saw how my dear sister Ylile was corrupted, along with Lady Lily-she was in that house, what do you call it? Ah yes, Vuxunum- they taught her nothing but evil and that had ultimately led her toward her death, for the evil are easily wiped out with -what were they again?- oh yes, the evil are easily wiped out by paper cuts. Now it is obvious here that Perry has not an ounce of evil, for he has survived many a paper cut and."  
  
"I'm afraid you are mistaken. Pigpimpleton teaches no such things. Ylile turning corrupt was What's-His-Face's doing, not Alvin Mumblefore's; for the headmaster of Pigpimpleston would never allow such a doing. Perry obviously belongs in Pelicenya, not Vuxunem like Ylile. As for Perry's immunity to paper cuts, that is another story."  
  
I'm afraid it is you that are mistaken. Perry is not going with you now or ever."  
  
"I'm afraid that's not your decision to make!!" Dirgah squeaked, trying to muster as much courage as possible.  
  
"Do I have a say in this?" Perry interrupted sudden.  
  
"Of course you do, Perry!!!" Uncle James replied, "The birthday boy gets whatever he pleases!!" James and Lily beamed proudly at their dear son- err. nephew.  
  
But before Perry could reply, Dirgah whipped out a silver thimble, and suddenly, Perry and Dirgah disappeared into thin air. 


	3. Nogaid Ahead

Nogaid Ahead  
  
  
  
"Excuse me, but where exactly are you taking me?" asked Perry, sounding very unsure for a person who usually knew exactly what he was going to do. However, in this situation, he didn't seem to have any choice but to stick to his new found guardian.  
  
"It's where you belong," answered Dirgah, "You'll thank me for this."  
  
Dirgah hurried along and pulled out a tiny glass bottle out of his one small breast pocket. Perry gave Dirgah a questioning look.  
  
"It's Alt Juice, Perry; you'll come to love it after your 3rd year- once you're allowed to use it. But don't tell the authorities that I'm letting you try some right now, I'm not supposed to, you know- but it's so much faster." Perry gave a look of disgust to the half-filled-puce-colored- bottle, took a sip, found that it tasted like caramel, and suddenly they were there seemingly moving in a strange puce-colored sweet smelling tunnel.  
  
"Hello, Mandy, hullo Al, how are you two doing this lovely evening?" Dirgah asked a wizened (no pun intended) elderly couple. The tunnel resembled a traveling, anti-gravitational chamber tunnel, and people passed them by. The couple greeted Dirgah in response, and they went along their way.  
  
"Umm.. Dirgah, what exactly does that caramel-tasting juice, oh yes, I forgot what it was called for a second- Alt Juice- what does Alt stand for?"  
  
"Ah, Perry, I'm glad you asked. Alt stands for 'Alternative Lazy Transportation'- and yes, it does taste good, yes, just like caramel, doesn't it? I used to get drunk on this stuff." he trailed off.  
  
"Why don't you read your letter now, Perry?" said Dirgah.  
  
Perry didn't really mind, and he began reading his letter eagerly.  
  
Dear Mr. Hotter,  
  
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Pigpinpleton, Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Soon, you will be on your way to Pigpimpleton and learning wizarding stuff that you will need to know. Enclosed is a list of things you'll need to have when you arrive to Pigpimpleton. Term begins on September 12th.  
  
~3 Cardigan: 1 red, 1 black, and 1 for formal events  
  
~1 plain white Easy Bake Oven.  
  
~2 pink aprons  
  
~1 magical thimble  
  
TEXTBOOKS  
  
~Everyday Book of Charms, by Stefanie Boettcher  
  
~Basic Recipes for your Easy Bake Oven, by Melinda Spellbinder  
  
~Basic Transformation for Newbies by Theresa Cheng  
  
~Big Book of Spells, Volume, by Theodora Hunnington  
  
~Defense Against Nasty Curses by Aquina Aiga  
  
Please note that Newbies are not allowed to bring their own toilet plungers.  
  
Students are allowed to bring their pet hummingbirds, iguanas, and/or snakes. We hope to see you soon. Have a safe journey!  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Professor Lily Connelly  
  
Dirgah took Perry through a long and winding dim-lighted road full of people, wizards of course, and finally they arrived at their first destination: Tognirg, the Wizarding bank. It was a small, one story shack on the corner of a busy street. Tognirg was well known as one of the best, most inconspicuous places to put money, so people flocked there by way of an underground tunnel. The bank was as secretive as Switzerland. Lights were flashing- red to stop, green to go- and people whizzed by on their toilet plungers, all in the big hurry that was the Great Highway.  
  
The tunnel suddenly ended and they were standing right in front of Tognirg, Perry dazed and high on ALT juice, and Dirgah enjoying the warm and familiar high. They walked into the bank; hundreds of tiny purple men suddenly surrounded them. Perry looked at Dirgah confused; an unspoken question.  
  
"Oompaloompas. Haven't you ever heard of them?" Oompaloompas were curious creatures, small, like midgets, but purple with strange multicolored hair that could be cut off and sold at outrageously high prices, for the hair of Oompaloompas were enchanted and had many uses.  
  
"Oompa, Loompa, Oompa-dee-doo, We've got another puzzle for you!" sang the little colorful, uniformed creatures as they pranced around pulling little red wagons with stacks and stacks of bank notes to unknown destinations. Tognirg looked small from the outside, but it was enchanted, like everything else in this new world. Inside it was a huge round structure that spiraled upwards, with shiny marble floors and an elevator that took you all the way up to the 13th floor and all the way underground to the -13th. But the crowning glory of it all was the ceiling, high and painted, not by hand, of course, but by magic, and if you kept your head up, you could see how it was constantly changing; a moving picture; a movie. Unknown to Perry, this ceiling was renowned in the wizarding world, and millions of the wizarding community flocked to it every Christmastime and 4th of July, to see beautiful pictures of the Puggle world.  
  
Dirgah spoke to the Oompaloompa in charge, a stern-looking elderly man, about Perry's money, and then whispered something to the man. Perry stood transfixed, watching the Oompaloompas in their dance/work. Dirgah then turned to Perry and frowned, worry lines appearing in his face.  
  
"Perry, I'm so sorry. I thought that Ylile and Ames, I thought that they would have left you something for sure. But- but there's nothing." It obviously pained him to say this. "There isn't a Tunk with your name on it."  
  
"Dirgah, I'm sure that my Aunt and Uncle will send me some money, don't worry, really." Perry was confused. Why was Dirgah so worried?  
  
"Perry, ah, Perry, you're so innocent. How could I forget to tell you? Yer money's worthless here. Not dollars and coins, not here. You need to have Nollags, and Selckis and Tunks!" Perry looked hopelessly confused.  
  
"Isn't there some sort of currency exchange kind of thing here?" asked Perry.  
  
"Yes, of course, but Puggle money is worth very little here." A sigh, "It'll have to do. Your Aunt Lily and Uncle James aren't rich, you know. And you won't be, either, not where you're going. The finest wizards of the finest blood will be with you at Pigpimpleton. And more often than not, fine blood is the equivalent of a social standing and wealth. Anyway, I'm here on Pigpimpleton business, also. I have to pick up a package for Mumblefore," said Dirgah as an Oompaloompa shooed them onto a large cart made of spongy material. The spongy-ness was for sanitation purposes.  
  
"Vault five hundred and twenty seven," said the Oompaloompa as he opened the big, dark vault door, as if the vault needed some sort of introduction.  
  
  
  
The voice activated vault opened as the Oompaloompa started singing. Dirgah ran into the vault and stuffed a small floppy-looking package into his breast pocket.  
  
"Now we just need to make a quick stop at the post office. Linda will be so happy to see me. We've been going out for a month now!!" squeaked Dirgah excitedly.  
  
Dirgah and Perry reached the post office. There were thousands of cubbyholes, varying in size; small ones for small packages and short deliveries and larger ones for the opposite. This was the Grand Post Office all and any mail of the wizarding world went through here; the place was huge and just as the title suggested- grand. There were rows and rows and rows of cubbyholes, and just as the endless-ness of a library seems amazing to a youngster on his first trip, the Grand Post Office seemed infinite to Perry. No surprise there-for it really was. They picked out a medium sized cubbyhole and wrote James Potter a letter requesting some money for Perry's stay at Pigpimpleton.  
  
Perry and Dirgah sent the letter off with a poor little hummingbird, a newbie who was struggling with his load, and went on their way. They really had to be going. Nogaid stretched out forever, and they could have spent the week there, shopping to their heart's content. Well, Dirgah could have anyway. He was really quite a sensitive and feminine man, despite his brusque manner and seemingly sophisticated manners. But Dirgah knew that he could not succumb to temptation, because he had a very strict schedule to follow, and they were already behind. They made their way to Monsieur Mclaugan's slowly and deliberately. For Perry, this was because he was completely and totally overwhelmed by the fact that his life and dreams had been completely changed in less than 24 hours and he was dazed and still a tad frightened, and for Dirgah, because he felt that the boy needed time to look around and soak in his new and seemingly permanent surroundings.  
  
Monsieur McLaugan's Cardigans for Any Circumstance was a famous cardigan outwear store, and their friendly service to all kinds of creatures, mermaids, goblins, and wizards alike was well-known and well-respected by the majority of the magical world, except for a select few of each species who felt that they must remain totally exclusive. Cardigans were the official wear of wizards, and came in a variety of colors and styles. Dirgah and Perry wandered the store, Dirgah leading Perry, for Dirgah knew what was expected of Perry- a basic red cardigan, a basic black cardigan, and one enchanted one that seemed to alter itself for special occasions such as Christmas (Black with silver snowflakes), New Years (A dazzling array of firecrackers in a constantly changing pattern- a little tacky, really), and Valentine's Day (A sleek and suave dark pattern that would supposedly help him become attractive). Perry looked at the enchanted cardigan a little wearily.  
  
They made their way, a little bit more worn out, carrying their shopping bags, heading for several more shops that they absolutely had to stop at.  
  
"Folay!! Folay!! Folay!! Folay!!!" a skinny Goth boy sang out. He was standing on a street corner clapping his hands wildly to a beat unknown to anyone but himself. He placed emphasis on the very last syllable of Folay and was trying to choreograph a Latin type of dance for the two girls behind him.  
  
"Folay. Folay. Folay. Folay." repeated the girls, unhealthily skinny and tired-looking, with dark circles beneath their eyes. Their cries of, "Folay" lacked Goth boy's explosive energy.  
  
"NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!" Goth boy cried out several times and corrected the girls, trying very desperately to keep up with his outrageous pace. Perry and Dirgah looked at the trio, and then at each other, and with some unspoken command, they both began running at top speeds in the other direction.  
  
They headed toward Hisrolf & Tob's to buy Perry's newbie textbooks. They found everything very easily, and went on their way.  
  
"So, is there anything else that you need to buy?" asked Dirgah with exhaustion.  
  
"I just need a thimble.?" replied Perry.  
  
"Well then you want Renavillo's makers of first-rate thimbles since 1373" said Dirgah. "Why don't you go get your thimble while I go get a nice cup o' whiskey down at the pub?"  
  
Perry entered a dark dirty looking shop. A man with fiery red hair came out with a huge pile of tiny boxes.  
  
"Not another one!!" he cried out in complaint "Merlin's beard! It's, wait don't tell me, Perry Hotter, I was hoping to see you! Why don't you try this thimble, why that's what you need right? A thimble, yes indeed, you'll be a newbie this year! its 1 inch, made of copper with ½ an ounce of dragon blood woven into the metal."  
  
Perry tried it on, but somehow the thimble popped off of his finger and jumped back into the box.  
  
"Apparently not. Why don't try this one? It's made of pure gold, also 1 inch, but with the dust from a unicorn horn," said Mr. Renavillo  
  
Perry tried on the thimble. This time thimble did not pop off, and it seemed to actually want to stay on Perry's finger. It was perfect, light, comfy, and it gave Perry a strange and sudden feeling of power. Needless to say, Perry bought the thimble. When he went outside, there was Dirgah waiting for him with a birdcage. Inside the birdcage, was a hummingbird named Giwde.  
  
"A present," Dirgah said, and looked approvingly at the thimble Perry had chosen.  
  
After a very long day shopping, their mouths watered at the scent of a good steak and potato meal drifting toward them through the diner window. Naturally, they couldn't resist.  
  
"So why am I so important, anyways?" Perry tried to casually ask as they scooted into their seats at a comfortable booth table and stared at their menus.  
  
"I knew you would ask sooner or later," said Dirgah, suddenly sounding very tired, more tired than he had ever been. He lowered his voice and looked around. Satisfied at the lack of customers at the pathetic diner (The diner was mostly empty, with a few scattered elderly witches and wizards talking to each other about old days and trying to find content in their mashed potatoes because they couldn't chew anything else.) Dirgah said the sentence that Perry had wanted to hear since before he could remember: "Well the thing is your parents were murdered, Perry. They were murdered by a man by the name of Moldesnort."  
  
Somehow, one question led to another, and Dirgah, unaccustomed to this relentless interrogation, told Perry everything he could.  
  
"Perry, a very long time ago, and for a very long time, everything was dark, evil. It was all because of one man, Moldesnort. Moldesnort had followers, and by god, he was powerful. Nobody likes to say his name, for it still inspires much fear. It's much easier to say, 'What's His Face," as most of us do. There is a strange side to the wizarding world. A long time ago, a mysterious curse was put upon all of us wizards. The evil in any of us can be killed by a single papercut, and none of us are completely pure people, for usually we are half evil and half good. That is the chemistry of a normal person. Now, if this chemistry is precise, as it usually is, a person becomes what we call a soul; a wandering being without a body; a half-person. But although these are tragic circumstances that make things difficult for wizards, the blood of a family relative over the age of eleven can easily save 'souls'. It is a difficult potion to make, but it has often been done, and not many are at any actual risk. Moldesnort killed many with horrible spells, including your parents. Ames was so very young and innocent, more good than evil, and so, because of this imbalance, he died of a paper cut. Ylile, your mother, was, I am sorry to say, more evil than good. She also died. Rare cases, they were."  
  
At this point, Dirgah found it necessary to stop and wipe his eyes, for he was close friends with Ames, and had been all his life, ever since Dirgah and Ames had gone to Pigpimpleton together.  
  
"And the strangest part was that Moldesnort always succeeded in killing once he decided on a victim. He wanted to rule the world, and for the longest time, it seemed like he was going to succeed. He set out on destroying you, Perry."  
  
Perry looked frightened.  
  
"But I'm still alive," he said. Actually, it was more of a whisper.  
  
"Yes, that is the miracle of it." Dirgah leaned forward. "But the ordeal left you with that scar. The whole wizarding world knows about that scar, the one shaped like a question mark, on your rear end," Dirgah couldn't resist a giggle.  
  
Perry looked absolutely mortified.  
  
"But I haven't even gotten to the strangest part yet." Perry listened in, captured in the moment, lost in his newfound knowledge. "After that, Moldesnort disappeared. Many believe he became a 'soul' and he though was respected, he was despised, and even his family would not save him. Some versions of the story say that he didn't have any family, though."  
  
They had finished their meal by then, and Dirgah paid the tab in magenta, lime green and hot pink coins. As he got up and motioned for Perry to leave and follow him out, he said, "Oh yes, and don't you ever dare mix up the names of Moldesnort and Mumblefore. Mumblefore is your friend, your headmaster, a great grand wizard, and Moldesnort is a thief and coward. Remember that, Perry, don't you ever forget it."  
  
It was said lightly, but the influence on Perry was profound. He could not wait to meet this grand wizard who would surely explain to him everything he needed to know. He had heard them speaking of his greatness in the shops that day. But another, greater part of him was scared, for he knew that he was embarking on the most dangerous journey he ever had, and surely the strangest. 


	4. The Strange New World

Disclaimer: The character of Ralph Wiggum is owned by "The Simpsons"  
  
The Strange New World  
  
"A Plane?" Perry asked. Perry was deathly afraid of planes, and he had never flown before. He thoroughly enjoyed keeping his feet planted firmly on the ground, thank you very much.  
  
"I'm afraid so, Perry," Aunt Lily looked down and sniffled, "My little Perry is all grown up." another sniffle from Uncle James. Perry had been returned to them for one short week before setting out to Pigpimpleton, though Lily saw it as a metaphor for Perry leaving for the big wide world. Perry would leave and live in a dorm at Pigpimpleton and come back only for vacation, but it wouldn't be the same. They'd be left with none other than.Harry. Instead of putting up with him, they decided to dispose of him. Dear old Harry. Well, perhaps he wasn't that old, after all he was their son and quite a bit younger than they, but Harry was just- well, Harry! Simple, quiet, and intelligent enough, he could grow up to become one out of a million others, and a million others could grow up to become like him. And if he were to die, hardly a million would even notice.  
  
But while Aunt Lily and Uncle James were depressed, Perry's insides were doing non-stop back-flips. He had gotten a taste of the wizarding world and he felt just a tingle of magic surging through his veins. It was a part of him and he knew it. As much as he loved his Aunt and Uncle, he had to admit that he would rather be at Pigpimpleton or with Dirgah. He had always been respected, but he had finally felt truly accepted, as if he had found his place in the wizarding world.  
  
Perry kissed his Aunt and Uncle goodbye and gave Harry a hug.  
  
"I'll write," Perry said to Harry.  
  
"I'll write back," Harry replied. It was a family moment. They all froze. Several awkward moments went by.  
  
"Just go already!" screamed Harry impatiently.  
  
"Shush, sweetheart" said Uncle James absently, as if Harry wasn't even there.  
  
A tear escaped from Uncle James's right eye as Perry hauled his luggage away in a cart, walking towards the plane entrance. His plane was flight 112.6-a flight designated as a flight for students to Pigpimpleton, but disguised as a flight to the middle of nowhere- in other words, Kansas. Harry was also going away to school, far off to California where he got into a public school called Garfield Elementary. Harry was going to go live with some distant relatives and study 'Californian culture' as Aunt Lily called it. It was just an excuse to dispose of Harry, because there wasn't much for him to do at home with Perry at Pigpimpleton. In fact, over the years Uncle James and Aunt Lily had begun to think of Harry as hired help- a companion for Perry. Now Harry would just get in the way of things.  
  
"You think our boy will do alright?" asked Uncle James with a quiver in his voice.  
  
"I'm sure he will, James. He is a strong, independent boy- everyone will love him." replied Aunt Lily, sounding not unsure. She meant what she said, but she did not like the idea of her baby away from her for 9 straight months.  
  
Perry's stomach was tied up into knots. It wasn't that he was nervous; he was perfectly fine with going to somewhere far, far away for 9 months- it would be just like that time he went to Boy Scout Camp. But the fact of the matter was that Perry really didn't like planes. There were just too many things that could go wrong with an airplane: the engine could fail, the plane could crash, someone could get elevation sickness, or one of those plastic looking flight attendants could choke on a peanut.  
  
Thinking about it made Perry quite nauseous so he tried to look for a barf bag, just in case. While digging through the plastic bag of materials provided for him (a toothbrush and pillow, among other things) a short perky brunette came in a tacky orange and green flight attendant's uniform asked him if he was quite alright and directed him to the restroom, where they kept the barf bags. As he stumbled through the aisle he nearly crashed into tall awkward boy with glasses and a smudge of vomit across his chin.  
  
"You too?" the boy asked.  
  
"Not yet," Perry replied, wondering if he was so green that everyone could notice his nausea.  
  
"I'm Nor, Nor Yeaslew. What's your name?" Perry never got to respond, because at that very moment, another dribble of vomit escaped from Nor's mouth and he coughed violently and ran back into the bathroom. He emerged again minutes later with two barf bags- one for Perry and the other for himself. Nor handed one to Perry in a friendly gesture. They returned to their seats only to discover that they were actually sitting only two seats apart from one another. A small trade-off with the annoying blond female in between them left the two new friends sitting next to each other looking sick to their stomachs.  
  
The brunette flight attendant returned.  
  
"You know," she began, "I once heard that Alf Wafers- you know, that chocolate candy stuff? I once heard that it would do wonders for an unsettled stomach. Would you boys like some? I think you two need it." As she handed them the Wafers in exchange for 3 Silkis, she tapped the Wafers with tiny translucent thimble that happened to be resting on her thumb in order to transform the Wafers into a cure for their queasiness. The brunette knew a thing or two about wizarding nursing.  
  
"Alf Wafers?" mumbled Perry to himself amazed.  
  
"Aw!! How cool!!! We got Alf Wafers! Which pog did you get?" Nor said, "I collect the pogs that come with the wafers but it's rather difficult because my parents don't let me get candy too often- I'm an only child so they're a bit overprotective of me." He took several bites of his wafer and instantly felt better before abruptly stopping. "What did you say your name was again?"  
  
"Perry - Perry Hotter II to be specific."  
  
"No way!!!"  
  
"Um."  
  
"Well, I've heard all about you!!" Nor said excitedly  
  
"That's great- I suppose." Perry looked around uneasily, "So who am I then?"  
  
"You're Perry Hotter the II!"  
  
"I think we've established that already," said Perry unenthusiastically.  
  
"Can I see your scar?"  
  
"What scar?"  
  
"You know," begged Nor, "The scar."  
  
"Do you even know where it is?" said Perry uncomfortably.  
  
"Yes I certainly do! Everyone in the wizarding world does. Why, it's as famous as you are." said Nor matter-of-factly.  
  
"That's slightly disturbing. Um, no that's okay."  
  
"Rain check, then?"  
  
"Um. NO." An uncomfortable moment passed.  
  
"Have you seen a banana rolling by?" a mysteriously perky voice inquired. Perry and Nor turned to see the girl they had traded seats with in order to sit next to each other. She was pretty and blonde but fidgety and just a little too much on the hyperactive side.  
  
"Who are you?" Nor demanded.  
  
"Jennifur Stephanie Erica Cara Lindsay Rengard!! That's J-E-N-N-I-F-U-R S-T- E-P-H-A-N-I-E E-R-I-C-A ."  
  
"OKAY!" Perry screamed. Nor and Jennifur gaped fearfully because of the unnatural elevation in Perry's voice. "Okay, we get it," said Perry regaining his usual calm composure.  
  
"So as I was, like, saying- have you seen a banana? A boy named Ralph Wiggum is looking for it. The banana's name is Neville," said Jennifur solemnly.  
  
"You do realize that banana's don't roll, right?" asked Nor.  
  
"Well, you know that- and I know that, but I don't think Ralph does," whispered Jennifur leaning dangerously close to Nor.  
  
"OOH!! OOH!! Bananas don't have names either!!!" said Nor, extremely pleased with himself.  
  
Nor began to grin stupidly.  
  
"So. I'm just going to go back to looking for Ralph's banana. It was just fabulous meeting you!! Do you know what house you want to be in? Why don't you think about that while I'm gone?" said Jennifur.  
  
"Ok. So bye then!" says Perry.  
  
"Bye Jennifur!!!" said Nor eagerly.  
  
"Wow that Jennifur sure is a character, isn't she?" said Nor.  
  
"Um, sure dude- whatever you say. Hey, do you have any idea how long this flight is supposed to be? There's no landing time mentioned on the plane ticket, you know."  
  
"Its alright- magical peoples have quite a disregard for silly things like time. You're new to this wizarding thing, even though you're Perry Hotter II, aren't you?"  
  
"How on earth could you tell?"  
  
"My father's non-magical himself, but my mother knew quite a lot and over the years I have done so much personal studying about the history and such of Pigpimpleton." Nor pushed his silver glasses up against the bridge of his nose.  
  
"Already with the nerdy crowd, are we Mr. Hotter?" said the little Goth boy, standing in the aisle looking at Perry. He reached out his hand and Perry tentatively shook it. "So it is you, Perry Hotter." His gaze pierced.  
  
"Not to be rude or anything, but how did you know?" asked Perry.  
  
"Rumor said that you were sitting here though no one knew for sure. I just wanted to check it out and introduce myself. I'm Ocard Folay, Ocard Muriel Folay IV and these are my accomplices, Amanda Clam," He pointed to the freakishly skinny blonde girl with sunken eyes behind him, "and Benjamina Gail," He pointed to the redhead next to Amanda. "You can call them Clam and Gail." He continued, "What house do you hope to be in?"  
  
Perry sat and stared at the seat in front of him blankly because he was very confused about the last statement Folay had made.  
  
"Perry? Did you hear me?" Folay asked. Perry just sat still, counting the number of flowers on the patterned seat. "My, my, is the famous Perry Hotter a dunce or what? Come along now Clam and Gail. Folay! Folay!!" He cried anxiously, "Folay! Folay!!" He snapped his fingers to the beat only he knew.  
  
Perry felt a nudge coming from his left. It was Nor.  
  
"Why didn't you answer him, Perry?"  
  
"I didn't- well I don't exactly know what the houses are," Perry replied. But Nor never quite got to respond because at that very moment the plane began to incline slowly downward and an annoying female voice told them to "Buckle their seatbelts and put away any electronic or magical devices."  
  
For all of the students on their plane, this was their first glimpse ever of the renowned Pigpimpleton. After they passed a layer of silver clouds Perry could see four barrack-like buildings in the corners of a large area marked off deep lines in the dirt which represented transparent electrical fences (Though Perry did not know that). In the middle of the four buildings stood three skyscrapers, tall, proud and gleaming- each changing color slowly and almost unnoticeably like a neon sign without the bright glare or the outward tackiness. As soon as the plane got to the center of the three skyscrapers it began a slope-less descent; straight down, slowly but surely. Perry then saw the two small plain administrative buildings and then a single large field in which his plane landed. 


End file.
